Maturity-wise, I think I am almost ready for marriage. I know there is still a lot that I need to do first though, such as falling completely head over heels in love with you.
I'm still not entirely sure how to do that, though I think I am getting closer. While my focus still slips, I think that you occupy my thoughts more often than before.
It's still really hard though, looking to fall in love with you, instead of with every cute guy I see. (Well, that I would fall in love with them is a bit of an exaggeration, but I can't deny that I dwell on the idea of falling in love with them). I try so hard to keep you as the forefront of my emotional thoughts, but I get caught up in the moment so many times. Sometimes its a guy with a personality like that of a man I would hope to marry, other times its a song that speaks perfectly to my feelings on wanting to fall in love. It's like everywhere I turn, there's something to pull me in the direction of falling in love the world's way, rather than falling in love with you first.
Lord, please help me to look to you above all else. I want to be so in love with you that I won't hesitate to hand over the reigns of my life to you.
Help me not to be attracted to or looking at so many men, in my desperate attempt to discover the man you have set apart for me. Whoever he is, I know he will be so much more than the guys I keep trying to make fit for me.
And Lord, teach me how to be content to let him chase me. You created me an independent and free spirit, so that I may serve you better in the areas that you have called me. But Lord, it's not in my inherent nature to be patient and wait for things to happen as you have willed them. Especially not when it concerns love and romance. I jump and leap forward at the slightest sign, and end up broken and bruised.
I am tired of that father, tired of having my heart broken and not being able to mend it back together. Lord, when I am ready to give my heart to the man you have set apart for me, I do not want to give him a shattered heart, but a heart that is full of love, first and foremost for you.
Please teach me how to step into the role you have called me as a woman to have in marriage. Help me to be submissive in the Holiest sense, and to refrain from stepping out in instances where I should instead be trusting.
I want a husband who is man enough to step up and take control of our relationship and own up to his feelings, even when he is unsure of how I feel in return.
Father, continue to shape me into a Godly woman and a Godly wife who is first and foremost, desperately in love with you.
I love you daddy,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife
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