We like the same things and I like your style Its not a secret; why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf

Husband,

Do you ever wonder where I am at this very moment? Do you ever get frustrated that I am not there or that you have to wait longer?

I get that way sometimes. Especially when all my friends are getting married around me, and I don't even have you in the frame somewhere.

I know it's kind of mean to say, but I kind of hope you do feel the same way sometimes, so that you can understand what it is I'm going through... so that I'm not going through it alone.

I still need to write that list. I've been procrastinating because it's a tedious task, and because it means letting go of it and trusting God to meet it once it's written.

Sometimes I still need to fight that nagging feeling that you aren't out there at all, or that I'm not good enough for the kind of man I want. I know it's not true, but it is still hard to remember that sometimes.

Maybe getting that list written out will help.

I wonder if you ever wrote out a list for the things I needed to be?

Love you always.
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I'm sticking with you, cause I'm made out of glue...

Love of my life,

I've been doing a lot of emotional dumping on you lately. Pouring out my turmoil and pain about a man that isn't even you... and even prior to that, talking again about a man who was in my life that wasn't you.

So I want to pause for a moment in my journey, and remind you how much I love you. I haven't even met you yet, but I know I love you far beyond a capacity of which I have ever experienced before.

I know you make me smile a smile that no-one else has ever been able to make me do, and laugh harder than anyone has ever laughed.

I know there's cute and silly little romantic things you do for me that make me feel like the most special woman in the world (and since I somehow landed you, I would say that is true).

I hope you know that you inspire me. You help me to find the words that I could not find, and you fill me with a courage to press on with only hope at my side.

You are far more handsome than any other man I've met, and my heart skips a beat whenever I see you. Even when I'm mad at you, I think the world of you.

You are wonderful.

You are my Mr. Darcy, even if you may not be quite as witty as him ;)

I love you always, forever and to infinity and beyond.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife

If you're going to marry me, you better like Disney World.

Husband,

I've been a little slow when it comes to actually writing out that list, thanks in large part to the fact that I'm not really energized these days. But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it. In fact, I pour over different things that should be on that list every single day.

Today I concluded three things that are must haves.

#1 - You have to be willing to go to Walt Disney World for our honeymoon. I don't care if you think it's silly. I love Disney World. And besides, you don't want to take me anywhere else because I won't end up paying attention to you. This isn't a bribe. I've been to Disney enough times that it's not new. So enjoying it with you would be a new and exciting adventure. If you take me anywhere else, I can promise you that I would end up completely geeking out and getting all 'history buff' on you. I would be far more interested in the historical landmarks and exploring than focusing on you.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it really is me. I can't help it; I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff.

Besides... I REALLY want to go to Disney World for our honeymoon (and of course, we'd have to visit Universal too).

#2 - You must be a geek. If not full geek, at least partial. I need a man who is capable of completely geeking out with me, and playing video games or doing other nerdy stuff. I need someone who will understand my geek references and enjoy watching my sci-fi movies and shows with me.

#3 - You need to have good taste in music and that good taste must include liking a variety. I don't care if you prefer one genre over the others (heck, I totally prefer alt rock and indie), but you've got to love listening to the other stuff too. It's very difficult to date a guy who won't let me rock out to Daft Punk or blast Black Eyed Peas and Cascada once in a while.

Of course, listing these qualities to you probably won't do much, because by the time you read this I'll have already found out if you have them or not. Clearly these aren't dealbreakers... but if it has turned out that you are lacking these qualities and are laughing at me right now as you read this, I can promise you... do any of these three things, and you'll make me the happiest person ever.

But I hope you realize we'll be going to Disney World every few summers. You can blame that one on my dad... he's the one who had us fall in love with doing that.

P.S. Just thought I'd through it in there.... you better be willing to change your facebook status to show in a relationship with me. I want to know you're totally for me, damnit!

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now...

Husband,

Today has been what I would consider the hardest day yet. My stomach was in knots all day; everything I did somehow seemed to be reminding me of him. I'd try to distract myself, but thoughts of how he probably doesn't even miss me would begin to take over my mind.

I knew there would be days like this. I knew I'd have those moments where I'd realize that I'm not as emotionally disconnected as I had hoped and the hurt and the pain would fight at the edge of my mind all day. I guess a part of me just hoped that I would somehow manage to avoid them.

In time, it will stop. The hurt will go away, the knots will stop forming and I'll be able to move forward again.

Ten years ago, I thought I would be married by now. Maybe having children... settled in a career... all of that. Sometimes, I'm happy that didn't happen. That my plan didn't come true. Other times I'm reminded of how nice it would be to have someone I could rely on, someone that was as much a part of me as I am of them.

Still... it's nice to know that one day I'll have that. Whenever that may be.

I hope you're having an easier time than I am right now.

Love you to the moon and back,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Lately the weather has been so bipolar, and consequently so have I...

Husband,

Break-ups are hard. Even when you can stay positive for the most part, the struggles still come in. I have my moments; moments when that positivity and hope for the future elude me and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.

Thankfully I have a huge net of support to help me, along with a God who seems intent on making sure I walk away from this almost completely unscathed.

I'm starting to see more of the things I tried to ignore that would have made a long-term relationship with him, at the very least, uncomfortably difficult. Not to say he's a bad guy... he wasn't. He was so good to me, he was caring and he made me feel more beautiful and wanted than I've ever felt.

But there were a lot of things, starting of course with the differences in belief. As much as he was supportive of my faith it was difficult not being able to share it with him... to have a relationship with him and God.

I think in my heart I knew that it wasn't right, I just wasn't ready to let go. I'm sure there's a part of me that still isn't ready, but that will pass. I miss him. But I suppose it's normal to miss someone who you spent nearly every day for 9 months straight with, and those days you didn't, you texted all day.

There's a lot of the silly things that I'm realizing got to me about the relationship thing to. Things like, he didn't want his Facebook status changed from single, or even to say he was in a relationship with me. I want someone who's proud to be with me, and who isn't afraid of their friends and family seeing that we're together.

Do me a favour? I know they're silly things... but indulge me a bit when we're together?

Love you always and forever.

Just a girl,
Someday a Wife

This too shall pass.

Husband,

My suspicions from before have proven to be true. He wasn't you.

There's a big part of me that's kind of happy about it. Certain things I was willing to compromise that I really didn't want to.

I thought I'd be struggling more with this. After all, this was my first mature/serious relationship. At first, it hurt a lot. I cried a lot harder than I had in a long time. But today, I'm fine.

More than fine actually. I'm happy. I'm looking forward to things that I couldn't really do before. I'm excited about what's to come, about the things I can do, the people I can see. The freedom I have again. That surprises me. But I think it's a good thing. I think it's God's way of reminding me that there's so much more to come for me.

I'm going to rewrite my list for you... then release it up to God. Because next time, I'm hoping it will be you. But if it's not... I'm kind of okay with that.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife