Thursday, April 8, 2010

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly

Dear Lord,

Why does he have to keep coming back into my life? You know I don't have the heart to reject his offer of friendship, but why am I the rebound girl? HE BROKE UP WITH ME! He's the one who shattered my heart and left me questioning everything I thought I knew.

So why does he keep coming back? Beyond that, how is it that he has NO IDEA that he is constantly rebounding onto me?

I'm not going to say that I'm worried about falling for him again, because I'm not. That ship has long sailed, and any chances of it sticking around were burned to the ground after the last time he used me as a rebound. I'm smarter than I was when I fell in love with him. I'm not some insecure 20 year old desperate for love anymore. I know I'm beautiful, intelligent and funny, and that there is a guy out there for me.

But why won't he leave me alone? I'm constantly haunted by the old feelings threatening to bubble to the surface, though I know they are merely shadows of what was, and not examples of what is. That doesn't make it any easier though.

Interestingly enough Lord, the song Over It by Addictiv came on when I started writing this post. Fitting I guess, because the whole song is singing about how she's over it, only, she's OBVIOUSLY not, because if she was she wouldn't need to be singing about it. And that's kinda how I feel right now. Like. I know I'm mostly over it, but this interaction is enough for me to realize that the hurt still lingers.

Lord, why can't he be gone from my life forever? Mostly everyone else is. I barely keep in touch with anyone I knew from college (save from him and the one my parents want me to marry), and even high school friends I barely speak with. Everyone else leaves and never looks back. So why doesn't he?

Some clarification on this conundrum would be much appreciated.

Love always,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

1 comment:

Joy DeTete said...

Awww you appear to be in a bit of a pickle my love! Drop him like a hot tamale and move on with your bright future :D I will chat with you in a moment!