I wonder if waiting for me to come into your life is as difficult as it is for me to be patient while I wait for you to enter mine. I know there's a chance you're already here, but it would be nice to have you here romantically or at least with a hint that its you.
It feels kind of odd that I'm going on twenty-four, and I've never had a real serious boyfriend. Actually... scratch that. I'm not a fan of the term boyfriend or girlfriend... it feels so high school. Reword - It feels strange being this age and never having had a serious relationship. Sure, I've had relationships I thought were going to turn serious, but in hindsight, I can see how those kind of expectations were too high for the types of guys I chose to date.
At the same time, I am somewhat glad that I haven't had a true serious relationship, as it means there's a lot more of myself than just my body which I haven't given away. I have faith that the next man I get involved with will be you. And the truth is, you're the only one I ever want to share the type of intimacy with that comes with a serious relationship. When I give you all of me, I don't want it to be sloppy seconds in any area. You will be the first to get my body, soul and mind completely, and the first to truly get my heart.
Although I've encountered heartbreak, I don't think I've ever fully given my heart. More often than not, I think I mourned and hurt over the loss of thinking I was going to give away my heart. I suppose its the one place in which my walls that I've built up actually did some good instead of damage. In a sense, I guess that's kind of an interesting thing to think about. I mean, I fell in love once... but my heart still remained my own. I wonder how that truly works? I guess, because love is a feeling, whereas giving away your heart is like giving access to everything you are.
At least through all my struggles, I can remind myself of the fact that you are totally worth all the waiting and struggling and frustration.
Love you,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife
P.S. Love your face.
1 comment:
Hey,
I just wanted to say that I read this, and it reminded me so much of my friend Allison. She takes her faith very seriously and has stuck to her ideals and saved herself for marriage -- something VERY difficult to do in Washington, D.C. There have been a lot of ups and downs for her, and at one point, she said to me, "I have to come to terms with the fact that this may never happen for me -- I may never get the fairytale everyone always sells to you." But then, in January, she met this guy... and he's been everything she's ever wanted or needed. It's still early, but they're both pretty sure that This. Is. It. you know? (And for the record, she's turning 29 this year; he's turning 30.)
So I guess all I wanted to say is, hang in there! He IS out there waiting for you, too!
~Katie :)
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