At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love.... sha la la la la la, ahhh.

Husband,

Don't be fooled by the title. The truth is, I did say it out loud. For the first time to a man since I was 17 years old. And it was terrifying. It took me three days to muster up the strength to say it. Fear kept holding me back. Fear of it being too soon, fear of it not being returned, fear of it scaring you.

It's strange, because it's nothing like anything I've ever experienced. It's not all mushy gushy feelings and butterflies, though I can't deny that those have their moments.

I was afraid too that maybe I didn't mean it because it is fast. Can falling in love really happen that fast? But then I realized that time isn't necessarily the controlling factor in these things. Sometimes when it's right, it's just right, and it fits.

The truth is though, I figured it out three weeks in. I knew it. It took just a moment, and it was that moment when my entire being realized that I loved you. We were worshipping God together at my church, hand in hand, focused not on one another, but on God. And in that moment, everything fit. In that moment, for the first time ever, I experienced what it really means to have that relationship together with God. And I know you felt it too, because you told me you felt it even before I told you what I thought.

And so, I said it... I said it to you with all the conviction held within my heart, and you said it back. I didn't want that moment to end, but now that it has, I am so excited to see how this moves forward. Where we go from here.

You are so amazing, and I hope I still tell you every day how blessed and lucky I am to have you in my life, loving me.

Love you always and forever,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

He said, "I hate this place. I miss your smile. I miss your face. I wrote a song. Girl, I wrote a song."

My handsome prince,

I can't say with certainty that I've found you. But I have a feeling. A feeling that I can't shake. One that every time we're near, every time we touch, every time we look into each other's eyes is so overwhelming that I can't deny it's there.

I know it's not hormones, and I know it's not just the feelings that come with a new romance. Those are there too, but this... this is different.

I know that if this is it, it's God's hand that has brought us together. Either way, God brought us together... there's too much that could be considered 'chance' for it not to be God.

It has something to do with the level of comfort I have. I've never slid into being this comfortable with someone, especially not this quickly. It's not just comfort in being physically beside one another, but in being part of your life. It just fits.

I'm fully ready to admit I could be wrong. After all, this is so soon, so very soon. But I don't think I'm going to be wrong. Too much is falling into place. Too many things match up.

I think this really is the start of that journey, the start of the path being cut to the day where you and I join in marriage, where I become yours and you become mine. It's going to be a long journey, but that's okay. Part of the magic is walking that path together and in God.

Just so you know though, this is the only time I'm going to mention this, until I know for sure. Getting it out helps me to not think on it too much, because you and I both know that when I think on things too much, good or bad, they always end up having bad results.

You are everything I could have ever wanted, and I know that as we take our journey together in marriage, that every day I continue to fall in love with you again and again. I can't wait for that day, that moment, when I do know without a doubt that it is you and that I am in love.

Until then, I'm going to keep trusting in God, and keep my heart protected as much as possible. Because if this isn't you, I don't want you to have to pick up the pieces of a broken heart because I was irresponsible.

I love you so much more than you can ever imagine.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife

I will solve your mystery, make it ancient history.

Hello Dear,

Firstly, there's a few more things that I added to the list after thinking/praying about it more.

1.     Must have a great sense of humour.

2.     Must laugh at my jokes.

3.     Must think I’m at my cutest when I look my worst (or at least tell me that)

4.     Must be supportive of my goals and pursuit of career (but also able to tell me when I’m taking on too much or dreaming to the point its affecting reality).

5.     Can handle me at my crazy moments and still love me despite it all.

6.     Wants to have a relationship built with God

7.     Be willing to pray and study the Bible together.

8.     Be willing to watch chick-flicks/rom coms with me.

Secondly. I realized something last night as I was rocking out by myself. I don't want to be the kind of girl who gets lost in a relationship. I tried that already, and it left me often feeling like something was missing in my life. I need you to be the kind of person who not only likes me as I am, but who likes me for being me. I need you to be the kind of person who's not embarrassed by my liking going to movies by myself when no-one can go with me, or geeking out hardcore over the latest comic book movie. I need someone who can admire the fact that I can stand at a concert by myself and dance like no-one's watching because having people around shouldn't influence my capability to have fun.

But I also hope you're someone who can do those things with me. Someone who wants to do those things with me.

I want to be able to be spontaneous with you. To go on random adventures, to be able to act like idiots because we don't care who's watching.

I know you're probably all these things. That you love me because I am me and that we mesh well together. I guess right now I'm just frustrated because it seems like no matter how much a guy likes who I am, I always have to let go of who I am when I am with them. And I don't want that.

But truth is, I know I don't really have to worry about you. Because God knows both our needs, and He's not going to stick either one of us with someone who would make us compromise who we are.

I just wish He wasn't taking His sweet time in bringing you to me.

Love you a million red m&m's,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

(50 bonus points my dear, if you actually know where some of my sign-offs are referenced from ;) )

We like the same things and I like your style Its not a secret; why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf

Husband,

Do you ever wonder where I am at this very moment? Do you ever get frustrated that I am not there or that you have to wait longer?

I get that way sometimes. Especially when all my friends are getting married around me, and I don't even have you in the frame somewhere.

I know it's kind of mean to say, but I kind of hope you do feel the same way sometimes, so that you can understand what it is I'm going through... so that I'm not going through it alone.

I still need to write that list. I've been procrastinating because it's a tedious task, and because it means letting go of it and trusting God to meet it once it's written.

Sometimes I still need to fight that nagging feeling that you aren't out there at all, or that I'm not good enough for the kind of man I want. I know it's not true, but it is still hard to remember that sometimes.

Maybe getting that list written out will help.

I wonder if you ever wrote out a list for the things I needed to be?

Love you always.
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I'm sticking with you, cause I'm made out of glue...

Love of my life,

I've been doing a lot of emotional dumping on you lately. Pouring out my turmoil and pain about a man that isn't even you... and even prior to that, talking again about a man who was in my life that wasn't you.

So I want to pause for a moment in my journey, and remind you how much I love you. I haven't even met you yet, but I know I love you far beyond a capacity of which I have ever experienced before.

I know you make me smile a smile that no-one else has ever been able to make me do, and laugh harder than anyone has ever laughed.

I know there's cute and silly little romantic things you do for me that make me feel like the most special woman in the world (and since I somehow landed you, I would say that is true).

I hope you know that you inspire me. You help me to find the words that I could not find, and you fill me with a courage to press on with only hope at my side.

You are far more handsome than any other man I've met, and my heart skips a beat whenever I see you. Even when I'm mad at you, I think the world of you.

You are wonderful.

You are my Mr. Darcy, even if you may not be quite as witty as him ;)

I love you always, forever and to infinity and beyond.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife

This too shall pass.

Husband,

My suspicions from before have proven to be true. He wasn't you.

There's a big part of me that's kind of happy about it. Certain things I was willing to compromise that I really didn't want to.

I thought I'd be struggling more with this. After all, this was my first mature/serious relationship. At first, it hurt a lot. I cried a lot harder than I had in a long time. But today, I'm fine.

More than fine actually. I'm happy. I'm looking forward to things that I couldn't really do before. I'm excited about what's to come, about the things I can do, the people I can see. The freedom I have again. That surprises me. But I think it's a good thing. I think it's God's way of reminding me that there's so much more to come for me.

I'm going to rewrite my list for you... then release it up to God. Because next time, I'm hoping it will be you. But if it's not... I'm kind of okay with that.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Despite my best attempts, I am still a girl...

Husband;

I'll admit it, I totally overreacted on that whole Christmas Dinner thing. I suppose he was a little elusive those days, but in hindsight it was more because of his extreme distaste for the time of year than it was to do with me.

We had a long talk and it was good.

It's New Year's Eve tonight, and he is off with his buddies playing DnD. I'm still not sure I'm okay with that, but I don't have much of a choice. I guess I worry that he isn't really all that focused on me; that though he cares, I don't hold much importance for him.

Of course, that could all be silliness. On the other hand, New Year's Eve with girls has always led to bad things with him, so I can kind of understand that.

I hate not being able to read minds. It would make this so much easier.

Love you.

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Diamonds, diamonds everywhere!

Courtesy Google Images

Father,

You know, the hardest part about being my age that I am finding, is watching practically everyone I know get married and get engaged.

I'm finding it an odd feeling right now, because I really want to be engaged, I want to be taking that step, but at the same time, at least with the boyfriend now, I am not quite ready for that. Our relationship is still incredibly young, and it still is way too early to be thinking about rings. Especially considering you know, we don't even know if that's were it is going to go at this point.

Yet I still find myself envious of all those getting engaged. As my younger sister prepares to move with her boyfriend, and soon get engaged, I wish it even more. It's hard, watching someone who was supposed to be married after you, getting ready to be married before you even have a solidified relationship with someone.

That being said, I am so thankful you have given me a reasonable head, that I can know that despite my stupid, girly 'cravings', I can be level-headed and know that getting married would be the dumbest move I could make right now.

Thank you for the BF you have so wonderfully blessed me with right now. Thank you that he is sweet, and charming, loving and funny. That he is supportive of me in my faith and endeavours, and that he adores me as much as I adore him. Thank you that he makes me happy, makes me smile, and makes my knees weak when he kisses me.

You are amazing Father; gracious and merciful, giving and loving. Thank you for finally answering my prayers in a manner much better than I could have imagined.

Love you daddy!

Just a girl, Someday a Wife

It's been a while....

Dear Husband,

I hope you do not think I have forgotten about you. I haven't. It's just, since starting a relationship, I've felt weird about writing to you. Realistically, I am not expecting that the man I am with right now is you. Considering it is my first REAL relationship, I am aware the chances are quite high that he will in fact, not be you.

Knowing that, and facing reality, I almost feel as if I am doing him a disservice by writing to you. It's foolish, I know, but I can't help it.

In the same way, I almost feel as if writing to you is in some way, cheating on him as well. It is him that I am with right now, and thus my thoughts and attentions should be focused on him.

Do not get me wrong, I do hope it is him. I do hope that you and he turn out to be the same person. But I know to write to you as if that is the definite future is foolish.

Still, despite how it has made me feel in the past, I miss writing to you. I miss it because, despite not actually knowing who you are, writing these letters has allowed me to feel connected to you in a way that I myself do not even understand.

Things have been a little stressful lately, and I've had to acknowledge that despite how far I grew with God over the last few years, the standstill I've come to with Him is a fault entirely of my own. Which is generally the case. But there's a lot I've had to face about it, some that I would rather not. But either way. It's going to be an interesting journey.

I've also found I've been longing to be closer to you a lot more lately. As my sister talks about getting engaged soon, and many of my friends are getting engaged/married and or are already married, I find myself longing for a ring. Not that the ring is important, but rather what it signifies.

Are you wishing you were that much closer to me as well? To be secure enough in our relationship that we know without a shadow of a doubt we are each other's 'One'?

I hope whereever you are and whoever you are with right now, you are happy. For the first time in a long time, I can say I am. Even if he isn't you, you have one thing to thank him for. He has restored my faith in decent, gentlemanlike, amazing guys who can make me feel like a princess. He's building some pretty big shoes for you to fill, but I am sure you will be able to do so.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife.

Slow down, always on the run....

Husband;

I find myself in a situation once again that I always aim to avoid and constantly fail at doing so. It's been so long since I've been in it, and it's got a slightly different twist, but I find I am having trouble keeping out of the same steps that I tend to fall into so easily.

Maybe I'm just sleep deprived; maybe it's just my anxiety, but its less than a week in and already the panic is attacking me.

Have you ever been in a situation where things have moved far too fast, and when the brakes are applied, you're left wondering whether the other person is still interested, or if they've decided they're done?

It's silly really. I know it's dumb, and that I'm trying to read into things I shouldn't. It's the one thing I hate about the fact that I am still a girl. I can play it cool, I can be okay with the slow approach and just letting things kind of grow on their own time, but my mind still likes to try to convince me to react like a girl. Curse my female brain!

I'm thankful at this moment for guy friends that I can talk to openly about things like this, because it helps me calm down that panic. It levels me out and reminds me why I try not to listen to that sign of my brain in the first place.

I'm still scared... I can't lie. This is the first 'dating' experience I've had in nearly four years. While it's only been a few days, I'm really interested already. I'm scared, because I know if he pulls away, decides there's no more mutual interest, that I will be left trying to fight off the sense that something is wrong with me. I'm scared, because it's the first time in so long there's been such intense mutual interest. And I'm still scared that I'm going to end up not being good enough. It's my continuous battle. It always has been, and I really do think it's going to take you to help me break that. Not that it's your responsibility to repair my self-esteem issues, but I think it's that having never had a guy be willing to make a committment to me makes it hard for me to feel like it's possible.

I'm holding onto hope, because I know it's the only thing I can do, other than prayer. Hubby, I'm scared shitless. I really wouldn't mind getting to skip to the part where you can hug and comfort me right now.

Love you always and forever,
Just a girl, someday a wife

My heart is pounding in my chest;I'm losing my every breath

Daddy;

It's been a while since I've talked to you about all of this. I've mentioned my longings and hurts in bed time prayers and random thoughts. But I haven't gone into detail.

I want to thank you for releasing me of my feelings for him. It's so much more freeing not being tied to him in any form of thoughts or feelings. It's a relief.

But dad... it's starting to worry me that even mom seems intent on me being set up with someone. Like something must be wrong that I'm still not dating; that someone still isn't falling for me.

I am trying so hard to not jump at every potential opportunity, obsess over every potential crush. It feels strange not to have a crush right now. It's liberating. But at the same time, it does kind of scare me.

I still want so desperately to fall in love. To have a man who wants me in his life.

Father,

Hold my heart. Comfort it. Strengthen it.

Because right now... I need all those things. I need you. I need to feel your love; to feel it intensely enough that I can remember how I only need your love. Your love is enough. I know that in my head, but sometimes my heart needs that reminder.

What do you get when you fall in love? ......

....you get enough tears to fill an ocean

---

Father;

WHY? WHY WHY WHY? Why is it that after these years of convincing myself I'm over him, it turns out that not only am I not, but I still love him.

What's the point? He doesn't love me. He won't ever.

So why does my heart want what it won't ever have?

It was easy to convince myself I no longer loved him when he wasn't around that much. Even at the party he held; for the most part, he acted like enough of a goof, and there were so many other people distracting me that my emotions thought I had the upper hand.

Then he came up this weekend with one of my other buddies. And things changed. Last night, I could write it off merely as shadows of what once was. Flickers of feelings I once felt, but nothing true, real or serious.

Today... it became more apparent that those feelings were not just shadows. They were the still beating emotions of my heart... the ones I had managed to keep buried for so long.

The first hint came when we were at church. He was beside me, and so during worship, of course his voice was the one I heard. I always loved his singing voice. It always had the ability to make my heart melt.

Then, as the day went on I was just... so much more aware of his presence around me, and how comfortable I felt when he was around... when he is around. Like having him with me is more than just normal; it's right.

We had a barbecue later that afternoon, and a friend from church joined us. She pointed out that He reminded her of a fellow from church... a fellow that I had crushed on hardcore for the last two years. And it dawned on me... I had spent the last two years trying to figure out who that guy reminded me of and why I liked it so much. That was the main moment it hit me like a brick.

All this time I had been trying to bury my feelings, I had actually been subconsciously turning towards 'the next best thing' (not meaning in any way that the guy was less than him... just well.. you know right?).

During our campfire, he chose to sit beside me... and sat awfully close, for me being the only other person on that bench-swing. We got talking about deep things... and that's when the pain arose.

When we were first interested in each other... we would spend hours upon hours just sitting on his bed, talking about the deepest, most controversial and emotional topics we could think of... most of them, surrounding God and being a Christian.

Father, I started crying, and it was so hard to hide it. The pain was just washing over me in waves. I had to busy myself putting away the snacks, then wander the yard pretending to look at stars so that I could let the tears flow.

God, it hurts. Even now, writing this, I am fighting off the pain.

How can I still love him after all this time? Why do I still love him?

Father, it hurts to love him... and just when I thought I was past it... this all comes back. Father, I can't deal with this. I can't! I don't want to shove him out of my life as a friend; not having him there for those three years wasn't right. Everything about it felt wrong.

Why does my mind have to wonder and think about the things I've always noticed would make us compatible in marriage? Or to pick up on the areas that he's grown in, that I always knew he'd need to be stronger in.

God, HE BROKE MY HEART!!!! He left me shattered and hating myself more than anything ever before! WHY DO I STILL LOVE HIM!

I'm frustrated, angry and hurt. I'm not angry with you father, but I am confused. PLEASE give me something, anything!!!!!!

Your hurting daughter,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

On and off the clouds have fought for control over the skies..

Husband;

This probably isn't the wisest thing to do, but I am so tired of my raging hormones and being okay with my singleness one day then devastated by it the next. So in order to cope, I have started a new writing project. I am writing a romance novel. Yep, that's right. Me who hates romance novels and cringes every time she walks past the romance section in Chapters, is adventuring into the untravelled land and giving it a try.

Who knows. Maybe in some strange way, I'll be able to write a romance novel that actually helps struggling, young Christian women, devastated by their seemingly inherent singleness.

I'm getting impatient. Somedays I'm totally fine, not caring at all and content on waiting on God. Other days, I feel like I'm ready to jump every cute guy I see walk through the door and beg them to date me.

I find myself sizing up EVERY guy I encounter throughout my day,

mentally playing through what the likelihood would be of them possibly being the one.

And I cry, all the freaking time.

What the heck is wrong with me?

But oh yeah. The novel. Basically. It's just gonna follow a girl like me, only unlike me, she is about to have her world completely blown by an arrogant, witty, charming and totally desirable modern day Mr. Darcy.

Yeah yeah, it's the same basic plot of every bloody romance novel, but what choice do I have? When it comes to romance, I just have no creativity whatsoever.

This one's for the girls.....

Father,

Short and to the point tonight.

I'm crying out to you. Why does it seem impossible for me to be in a relationship? Why am I not able to find a man who meets my needs?

Sometimes I feel like you're punishing me for something. Most of the time I feel like it's because I'm not good enough.

I'm trying to hard to trust in you, but Lord. I just need some hope that will remind me that a relationship is in my future.

Love always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you

Husband;

I'm writing this to you, because I know that you are probably going through crushes and stuff prior to me. Heck. This crush might even be you.

I don't know. But I do know this. Whether or not this crush is you, I owe the guy for reawakening my heart again. I feel alive. All that dwindling hope about love, and finding someone who would fit what I know I need? Gone. It's totally just a hardcore high school crush at the moment, but I mean... it's brought me back.

But beyond that, it's shown me that the process I desire for getting to know someone, for building a relationship, isn't a 'fairytale'. That there are men out there that desire things to be built the same way I do. I mean, it's clear we're both crushing... and there's been flirting. But we're taking the time to get to really know each other, to find out everything we can about one another. And beyond that? He's been the initiator.

So, husband. If crush isn't you. I want you to be able to look at him, and thank him for bringing back my hope. I mean, ultimately, it's God using him to answer my prayers to revive my hope, but I think you still owe him some respect for being man enough to show me.

And hey. If crush does end up being you, I hope you get to know just how alive you have made me feel again. For the first time. I feel like a woman. I feel like a woman who is desired, not for my looks or for being an object, but for who I am.

Love you always and forever,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly

Dear Lord,

Why does he have to keep coming back into my life? You know I don't have the heart to reject his offer of friendship, but why am I the rebound girl? HE BROKE UP WITH ME! He's the one who shattered my heart and left me questioning everything I thought I knew.

So why does he keep coming back? Beyond that, how is it that he has NO IDEA that he is constantly rebounding onto me?

I'm not going to say that I'm worried about falling for him again, because I'm not. That ship has long sailed, and any chances of it sticking around were burned to the ground after the last time he used me as a rebound. I'm smarter than I was when I fell in love with him. I'm not some insecure 20 year old desperate for love anymore. I know I'm beautiful, intelligent and funny, and that there is a guy out there for me.

But why won't he leave me alone? I'm constantly haunted by the old feelings threatening to bubble to the surface, though I know they are merely shadows of what was, and not examples of what is. That doesn't make it any easier though.

Interestingly enough Lord, the song Over It by Addictiv came on when I started writing this post. Fitting I guess, because the whole song is singing about how she's over it, only, she's OBVIOUSLY not, because if she was she wouldn't need to be singing about it. And that's kinda how I feel right now. Like. I know I'm mostly over it, but this interaction is enough for me to realize that the hurt still lingers.

Lord, why can't he be gone from my life forever? Mostly everyone else is. I barely keep in touch with anyone I knew from college (save from him and the one my parents want me to marry), and even high school friends I barely speak with. Everyone else leaves and never looks back. So why doesn't he?

Some clarification on this conundrum would be much appreciated.

Love always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

How would you feel about a simple love song?

Lover-boy,

I hope beyond hope that you are not one of those men who make cat calls to random women, or make comments like 'damn, sexy!' as you're walking by a stranger. If you were ever like that, chances are I'm about to smack you upside the head.

Twice this week I have encountered such men, and I'm not going to lie it infuriates and disgusts me.

When I was MUCH younger, I thought I wanted that kind of attention, that it was good attention. But the *very* few times I received it, I felt uncomfortable rather than attractive. At that age I couldn't understand why, but now I can answer it with confidence. It's the same reason I find myself infuriated when guys cat call me now.

It's degrading, and I hate the feeling of being objectified.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'd be lying if I said I never eyed guys and thought about how cute they are, and I'm not saying it's wrong for guys to do that with girls. But it's one thing to see them and acknowledge that to yourself. To actually vocalize that in a cat call or a comment about how sexy you think they are, or how you want to 'tap that'? That's one of the most insulting, objectifying things you could do.

Chances are, most of the guys who do that don't even care. But it bugs me. It bugs me even more when they get angry because you ignore them or are displeased by their cat calls. The other night, I was walking to meet up with my sister across the mall parking lot, and these two guys started whistling at me. I wasn't even dressed to the nine... I was in my work clothes! When I ignored them, they shouted 'Yeah f*** you too b****!'.

I was SO shocked and appalled.

What exactly do men hope to achieve by treating women so horribly? Do they think that a comment or whistle will cause me to turn back to them, throw myself at their feet, and scream 'TAKE ME! I'M YOURS!!!'?

So, to make a long story short. Husband, I am pleading with you, please, never objectify me. It's not my feelings I'm worried about when I request this... but rather your health.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

You treat me like I'm a princess; I'm not used to liking that...

Lord,

It's times like these where I wish with all my heart that I had someone to come home to, someone to wrap his arms around me and whisper in my ear that he loves me after I've had a rough day. I know that wouldn't really be good for me right now, and I trust your reasons for it. But that doesn't take away the longing or the pain of lacking it.

It kind of weirds me out that guys don't show interest in me generally, but when they do, they're the types that either will only admit their attraction to me anonymously (thank you Honesty Box on Facebook for not helping IN THE SLIGHTEST!). Either that, or they're MADLY in love with me, but the second I want time to consider, they're with another girl (and I mean literally... as in, it's happened in a matter of a DAY!)

I've got to keep holding onto hope though. I've witnessed enough people diving into relationships that they know are going nowhere, pouring everything they have into it, then walking away broken and shattered. I don't want that. I don't need that.

Divorce is not an option when I get married, so why should shattering someone's complete being just to have a relationship be an option either?

Still. It wouldn't suck to have someone there to love or be loved by.

Please help me not to lose hope or let the obsession of falling in love take over all else in my life.

Love always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

This time I wonder what it feels like to find the one in this life, the one we all dream of...

Husband;

I wonder if waiting for me to come into your life is as difficult as it is for me to be patient while I wait for you to enter mine. I know there's a chance you're already here, but it would be nice to have you here romantically or at least with a hint that its you.

It feels kind of odd that I'm going on twenty-four, and I've never had a real serious boyfriend. Actually... scratch that. I'm not a fan of the term boyfriend or girlfriend... it feels so high school. Reword - It feels strange being this age and never having had a serious relationship. Sure, I've had relationships I thought were going to turn serious, but in hindsight, I can see how those kind of expectations were too high for the types of guys I chose to date.

At the same time, I am somewhat glad that I haven't had a true serious relationship, as it means there's a lot more of myself than just my body which I haven't given away. I have faith that the next man I get involved with will be you. And the truth is, you're the only one I ever want to share the type of intimacy with that comes with a serious relationship. When I give you all of me, I don't want it to be sloppy seconds in any area. You will be the first to get my body, soul and mind completely, and the first to truly get my heart.

Although I've encountered heartbreak, I don't think I've ever fully given my heart. More often than not, I think I mourned and hurt over the loss of thinking I was going to give away my heart. I suppose its the one place in which my walls that I've built up actually did some good instead of damage. In a sense, I guess that's kind of an interesting thing to think about. I mean, I fell in love once... but my heart still remained my own. I wonder how that truly works? I guess, because love is a feeling, whereas giving away your heart is like giving access to everything you are.

At least through all my struggles, I can remind myself of the fact that you are totally worth all the waiting and struggling and frustration.

Love you,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

P.S. Love your face.