I thought I saw your face today, but I just turned my head away

Husband,

I can't begin to describe the sense of freedom that has come from being on my own for a little bit now. Don't get me wrong, I want you in my life and there are moments where I wish you were here more than anything, but I'm also happy to just be me and Dad for a little bit.

There's a lot I still have to learn about myself, and I feel like I've been finding out who I am in leaps and bounds now.

I'm going on adventures by myself, doing things I never thought I could do and finding comfort and company in simply being alone and doing what I want to do. I'm slowly beginning to attempt to reconnect with friends who have been out of my life for a while and rediscovering how friendship feels.

I do kind of have one request though. If possible, can you try to be in my life before my sister's wedding? I'm really not looking forward to being the only single person there.

Love you to infinity and beyond,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

This too shall pass.

Husband,

My suspicions from before have proven to be true. He wasn't you.

There's a big part of me that's kind of happy about it. Certain things I was willing to compromise that I really didn't want to.

I thought I'd be struggling more with this. After all, this was my first mature/serious relationship. At first, it hurt a lot. I cried a lot harder than I had in a long time. But today, I'm fine.

More than fine actually. I'm happy. I'm looking forward to things that I couldn't really do before. I'm excited about what's to come, about the things I can do, the people I can see. The freedom I have again. That surprises me. But I think it's a good thing. I think it's God's way of reminding me that there's so much more to come for me.

I'm going to rewrite my list for you... then release it up to God. Because next time, I'm hoping it will be you. But if it's not... I'm kind of okay with that.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Despite my best attempts, I am still a girl...

Husband;

I'll admit it, I totally overreacted on that whole Christmas Dinner thing. I suppose he was a little elusive those days, but in hindsight it was more because of his extreme distaste for the time of year than it was to do with me.

We had a long talk and it was good.

It's New Year's Eve tonight, and he is off with his buddies playing DnD. I'm still not sure I'm okay with that, but I don't have much of a choice. I guess I worry that he isn't really all that focused on me; that though he cares, I don't hold much importance for him.

Of course, that could all be silliness. On the other hand, New Year's Eve with girls has always led to bad things with him, so I can kind of understand that.

I hate not being able to read minds. It would make this so much easier.

Love you.

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

A look beneath the surface is sometimes required...

While the purpose of this blog is that I remain completely anonymous, in my absence, I've come to realize that maybe I also need to let you see a little bit of who I am. It's hard to picture someone being real without a face or a name; but it becomes even harder when there's nothing to connect one with that person, beyond words on a page. So, I'm kind of kidnapping this from Joy over at Chocolate Chips and Vice Grips, plus, I'll admit.. I just love doing these sorts of things.

1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band (does the school recorder band in the fourth grade count?)
4. visited Hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more to charity than you could afford to
7. been to Disney
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a praying mantis
10. sung a solo
11. bungee jumped (well sort of... at Canada's Wonderland... they have like a giant bungee swing thing)
12. visited Paris
13. watched a thunder and lightning storm
14. taught yourself an art from scratch
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning
17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb (not just any lamb either...a newborn lamb, moments after it's birth)
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen Niagara falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. seen an Amish community
36. taught yourself a new language (pig-latin counts, right?)
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. seen the leaning tower of Pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen Michelangelo’s David in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen old faithful erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. visited Africa ( this one is actually on my to-do list in the not-so-distant future)
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (Okay... well sketched... but it was a beautiful sketch by a very close and lovely friend of mine who I might have stolen this list from).
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the Sistine chapel in person
50. been to the top of the Eiffel tower in Paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theatre (saw Tokyo Drift and Pirates 3... it was a double-feature, and yeahhh... I'd rather not remember that night).
55. been in a movie
56. visited the great wall of china
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited Russia
60. served at a soup kitchen
61. sold girl scout cookies (and I was REALLY good at it... I paid for all my girl guide camps that way)
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. been sky diving
66. visited a concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy (mostly stuffed animals, but a few other precious items.)
70. visited the Lincoln memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in times square (it was a very epic moment... felt very surreal)
74. toured the everglades
75. been fired from a job
76. seen the changing of the guard in London
77. broken a bone (seriously, have you ever broken a toe? It hurts like no tomorrow!)
78. been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. seen the grand canyon in person (not standing by it mind you, I saw it from an airplane window on my way to Vegas)
80. published a book
81. visited the Vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in Jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper (many times over actually... benefits of being a reporter and an editor)
85. kissed a stranger at midnight on new year’s eve
86. visited the white house
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life (to this day, I'm still in awe that my story could do that).
90. sat on a jury (since it didn't say REAL jury... I sat on the Big Bad Wolf jury once... then took over for the defending lawyer because she couldn't do her job. I pwned that courtroom)
91. met someone famous
92. joined a book club (in grade 2, I think we all had to?)
93. gotten a tattoo
94. had a baby
95. seen the Alamo in person
96. swam in the great salt lake (and was less than fifteen feet away from being attacked by sharks)
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone
99. been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

How would you feel about a simple love song?

Lover-boy,

I hope beyond hope that you are not one of those men who make cat calls to random women, or make comments like 'damn, sexy!' as you're walking by a stranger. If you were ever like that, chances are I'm about to smack you upside the head.

Twice this week I have encountered such men, and I'm not going to lie it infuriates and disgusts me.

When I was MUCH younger, I thought I wanted that kind of attention, that it was good attention. But the *very* few times I received it, I felt uncomfortable rather than attractive. At that age I couldn't understand why, but now I can answer it with confidence. It's the same reason I find myself infuriated when guys cat call me now.

It's degrading, and I hate the feeling of being objectified.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'd be lying if I said I never eyed guys and thought about how cute they are, and I'm not saying it's wrong for guys to do that with girls. But it's one thing to see them and acknowledge that to yourself. To actually vocalize that in a cat call or a comment about how sexy you think they are, or how you want to 'tap that'? That's one of the most insulting, objectifying things you could do.

Chances are, most of the guys who do that don't even care. But it bugs me. It bugs me even more when they get angry because you ignore them or are displeased by their cat calls. The other night, I was walking to meet up with my sister across the mall parking lot, and these two guys started whistling at me. I wasn't even dressed to the nine... I was in my work clothes! When I ignored them, they shouted 'Yeah f*** you too b****!'.

I was SO shocked and appalled.

What exactly do men hope to achieve by treating women so horribly? Do they think that a comment or whistle will cause me to turn back to them, throw myself at their feet, and scream 'TAKE ME! I'M YOURS!!!'?

So, to make a long story short. Husband, I am pleading with you, please, never objectify me. It's not my feelings I'm worried about when I request this... but rather your health.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife