If I was a flower growing wild and free all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee..

Father,

It's amazing how when we put things in Your hands instead of our own, that they work out as well as they do. To not see how You put the two of us together would mean we were not looking, because it is so evident in how everything has played out.

I can't even begin to put into words how I feel about all of this, how I feel about the man you have seen fit to bless me with.

He is everything I could have ever dreamed of and more. I am so thankful for him.

Thank you, Daddy, for bringing someone into my life who compliments me so well and fits with me so perfectly.

This is such a new chapter in my life, but I have so much faith that it will all work out.

You are so good to me.

Thank you again.

Love you always, Dad.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife

Is it strange to not be in love?

Husband,

I'm not used to not falling in love in a relationship. What I'm used to is being head over heels, with constant butterflies and shaking knees. But not this time. And you know what? I don't think it's a bad thing.

I often find myself wondering what exactly this is. Where it is going. It's strange to know that if this were to end tomorrow, as much as it would hurt and I would be sorry it was gone, I would not be heartbroken. I would not be turning to a dark place like I have in the past. But at the same time, I don't want it to end. I want it to eventually lead to love. I wouldn't mind him being you.

I've never been this level-headed in a relationship before. It's nice. I think it's far healthier than any of the other relationships where I was driven by emotion and the false presumption of love. The stress I used to have is gone. I feel more carefree, more capable of being a good girlfriend because I'm not so overtly paranoid that I am being a bad one.

And I think the length of this relationship, though still short, is proof that there is something stronger going on this time around. That it has easily outlasted every relationship I've ever had, without even having a struggle is evidence that at least, I'm doing something right.

I don't love him. Maybe I will one day, maybe I won't. But you know what? I'm kind of happy I don't. I'm not ready for love and the level of commitment it brings. I'm ready for learning the foundations of a relationship though, and I believe that if nothing else, this relationship is successfully teaching me that.

And hey, at least I know while not in love, I am definitely in like.

If he's not you, I hope you are not jealous of him. As much as I adore him, I adore you too, and more.

Besides, you'll have him to thank for my ability to actually have a healthy relationship. He's half of the party that's teaching me. The other half is God. I have no illusions that I am somehow doing this on my own, because really, we all know I'm a little too crazy for that.

Love you dear!
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Despite my best attempts, I am still a girl...

Husband;

I'll admit it, I totally overreacted on that whole Christmas Dinner thing. I suppose he was a little elusive those days, but in hindsight it was more because of his extreme distaste for the time of year than it was to do with me.

We had a long talk and it was good.

It's New Year's Eve tonight, and he is off with his buddies playing DnD. I'm still not sure I'm okay with that, but I don't have much of a choice. I guess I worry that he isn't really all that focused on me; that though he cares, I don't hold much importance for him.

Of course, that could all be silliness. On the other hand, New Year's Eve with girls has always led to bad things with him, so I can kind of understand that.

I hate not being able to read minds. It would make this so much easier.

Love you.

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

Diamonds, diamonds everywhere!

Courtesy Google Images

Father,

You know, the hardest part about being my age that I am finding, is watching practically everyone I know get married and get engaged.

I'm finding it an odd feeling right now, because I really want to be engaged, I want to be taking that step, but at the same time, at least with the boyfriend now, I am not quite ready for that. Our relationship is still incredibly young, and it still is way too early to be thinking about rings. Especially considering you know, we don't even know if that's were it is going to go at this point.

Yet I still find myself envious of all those getting engaged. As my younger sister prepares to move with her boyfriend, and soon get engaged, I wish it even more. It's hard, watching someone who was supposed to be married after you, getting ready to be married before you even have a solidified relationship with someone.

That being said, I am so thankful you have given me a reasonable head, that I can know that despite my stupid, girly 'cravings', I can be level-headed and know that getting married would be the dumbest move I could make right now.

Thank you for the BF you have so wonderfully blessed me with right now. Thank you that he is sweet, and charming, loving and funny. That he is supportive of me in my faith and endeavours, and that he adores me as much as I adore him. Thank you that he makes me happy, makes me smile, and makes my knees weak when he kisses me.

You are amazing Father; gracious and merciful, giving and loving. Thank you for finally answering my prayers in a manner much better than I could have imagined.

Love you daddy!

Just a girl, Someday a Wife

It's been a while....

Dear Husband,

I hope you do not think I have forgotten about you. I haven't. It's just, since starting a relationship, I've felt weird about writing to you. Realistically, I am not expecting that the man I am with right now is you. Considering it is my first REAL relationship, I am aware the chances are quite high that he will in fact, not be you.

Knowing that, and facing reality, I almost feel as if I am doing him a disservice by writing to you. It's foolish, I know, but I can't help it.

In the same way, I almost feel as if writing to you is in some way, cheating on him as well. It is him that I am with right now, and thus my thoughts and attentions should be focused on him.

Do not get me wrong, I do hope it is him. I do hope that you and he turn out to be the same person. But I know to write to you as if that is the definite future is foolish.

Still, despite how it has made me feel in the past, I miss writing to you. I miss it because, despite not actually knowing who you are, writing these letters has allowed me to feel connected to you in a way that I myself do not even understand.

Things have been a little stressful lately, and I've had to acknowledge that despite how far I grew with God over the last few years, the standstill I've come to with Him is a fault entirely of my own. Which is generally the case. But there's a lot I've had to face about it, some that I would rather not. But either way. It's going to be an interesting journey.

I've also found I've been longing to be closer to you a lot more lately. As my sister talks about getting engaged soon, and many of my friends are getting engaged/married and or are already married, I find myself longing for a ring. Not that the ring is important, but rather what it signifies.

Are you wishing you were that much closer to me as well? To be secure enough in our relationship that we know without a shadow of a doubt we are each other's 'One'?

I hope whereever you are and whoever you are with right now, you are happy. For the first time in a long time, I can say I am. Even if he isn't you, you have one thing to thank him for. He has restored my faith in decent, gentlemanlike, amazing guys who can make me feel like a princess. He's building some pretty big shoes for you to fill, but I am sure you will be able to do so.

Love you always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife.

The stars lean out to kiss you as violet eyes do miss you.

Husband;

I've always wondered what it's like to be a man when it comes to getting interested in someone. For us women, it's full of butterflies and gushy feelings, fantasizing and weak knees. It's the desire to see and talk to the guy day and night; and having to hold back and fight against those instincts that are corrupted by the excitement of mutual attraction.

I've always wondered if guys feel the same at the start of a relationship. Do you feel that same need to be around, just learning as much about me as I do about you? I have a hunger not just for your presence, but to be able to find out who you are; to get to know your quirks and oddities, faults and positive traits.

I have to try so hard not to run away with my emotions and get ahead of myself. My ability to look at things realistically, and the past help with that, but it's a constant battle against what my mind is trying to tell me to do. Thankfully, I have a little help with that these days.

Are you the same way though? Does the prospect of a relationship keep pecking at your mind, trying to get you to figure out where it's going?

It's so much worse when it's so early on. I have to find this balance between rushing headfirst into feelings and what my heart wants, and remembering that it is still early and a lot of what my heart wants is based on chemistry, lust, and the excitement of a mutual connection.

I've set aside a few rules for myself when entering into the first stages, just to make sure I don't jump too fast.

1. Keep day-dreaming to a bare minimum, and keep reminding myself that it's just to get these damn daydreams exhausted so that they stop.
2. No listening to mushy love songs.
3. Avoid chick flicks/romance at all costs.
4. Keep expectations at a bare minimum. The less expectations I have, the less I could get hurt, should this not turn out.
5. PRAY all the time about it.
6. Don't rush things.

I'd love to hear what your level headed list would be like. Maybe one day I'll get to know.

Love you always, forever and beyond.

Just a girl, Someday a wife.

You treat me like I'm a princess; I'm not used to liking that...

Lord,

It's times like these where I wish with all my heart that I had someone to come home to, someone to wrap his arms around me and whisper in my ear that he loves me after I've had a rough day. I know that wouldn't really be good for me right now, and I trust your reasons for it. But that doesn't take away the longing or the pain of lacking it.

It kind of weirds me out that guys don't show interest in me generally, but when they do, they're the types that either will only admit their attraction to me anonymously (thank you Honesty Box on Facebook for not helping IN THE SLIGHTEST!). Either that, or they're MADLY in love with me, but the second I want time to consider, they're with another girl (and I mean literally... as in, it's happened in a matter of a DAY!)

I've got to keep holding onto hope though. I've witnessed enough people diving into relationships that they know are going nowhere, pouring everything they have into it, then walking away broken and shattered. I don't want that. I don't need that.

Divorce is not an option when I get married, so why should shattering someone's complete being just to have a relationship be an option either?

Still. It wouldn't suck to have someone there to love or be loved by.

Please help me not to lose hope or let the obsession of falling in love take over all else in my life.

Love always,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife