I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now...

Husband,

Today has been what I would consider the hardest day yet. My stomach was in knots all day; everything I did somehow seemed to be reminding me of him. I'd try to distract myself, but thoughts of how he probably doesn't even miss me would begin to take over my mind.

I knew there would be days like this. I knew I'd have those moments where I'd realize that I'm not as emotionally disconnected as I had hoped and the hurt and the pain would fight at the edge of my mind all day. I guess a part of me just hoped that I would somehow manage to avoid them.

In time, it will stop. The hurt will go away, the knots will stop forming and I'll be able to move forward again.

Ten years ago, I thought I would be married by now. Maybe having children... settled in a career... all of that. Sometimes, I'm happy that didn't happen. That my plan didn't come true. Other times I'm reminded of how nice it would be to have someone I could rely on, someone that was as much a part of me as I am of them.

Still... it's nice to know that one day I'll have that. Whenever that may be.

I hope you're having an easier time than I am right now.

Love you to the moon and back,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife