Oh, to have the desires of my heart.

Father,

I long for a husband like Boaz; a man who puts you above all else and trusts in you no matter the situation. A man whose heart is after your own and whose passion to live for you shines in all he does.

I want a man who loves me so much that it pains him, just as it will pain me to love him that much.

I'm still frightened sometimes, afraid that I'll have no choice but to settle for a man who is only half-hearted in his passion for You and who will only sort of love me. Those fears remain ever present and increasingly stronger the longer it is that I don't meet a man who falls into my heart's desire.

Despite that fear, I trust you, Father. I trust that you will not let me down and that you will provide me with my heart's desire. It's hard. Trusting when not seeing results. But I guess that's why it is called faith.

Help me to stand firm in that trust despite my fears. Help me to be strong and to hear your voice and feel your gentle nudge when it is time.

Your plan is the perfect plan and because of that, I will wait for you instead of taking it into my own hands.

Love you Daddy.

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I thought I saw your face today, but I just turned my head away

Husband,

I can't begin to describe the sense of freedom that has come from being on my own for a little bit now. Don't get me wrong, I want you in my life and there are moments where I wish you were here more than anything, but I'm also happy to just be me and Dad for a little bit.

There's a lot I still have to learn about myself, and I feel like I've been finding out who I am in leaps and bounds now.

I'm going on adventures by myself, doing things I never thought I could do and finding comfort and company in simply being alone and doing what I want to do. I'm slowly beginning to attempt to reconnect with friends who have been out of my life for a while and rediscovering how friendship feels.

I do kind of have one request though. If possible, can you try to be in my life before my sister's wedding? I'm really not looking forward to being the only single person there.

Love you to infinity and beyond,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

It takes a lot to stand above the rest, well I've found the best...

Hey handsome,

In the past few weeks since the breakup I've learned a lot about myself.

I've learned I feel beautiful even without having a man to make me feel that way. I'm confident. I have the capability to be around someone I'm attracted to and not flounder under the expectation that I need to find a way to attract them.

But I've also learned some things about me and relationships.

I've realized there are certain things I seem to settle for every time, and end up missing them without even knowing I've missed them.

As selfish as it may be, you're going to adore me. But, I would expect that I'll adore you too. If there's no adoration and dedication there, then where is the incentive to be with that person instead of someone else?

I'm happy these days. Not the elated kind of happy I used to get when I was a little wonky, but the kind of happy that comes from being satisfied with yourself and with life. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have you in my life right now. But since you're not, I'm kind of content to just sit around and wait.

Anyways, just wanted to say a quick hello tonight and let you know how I'm doing.

Love you always,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I will solve your mystery, make it ancient history.

Hello Dear,

Firstly, there's a few more things that I added to the list after thinking/praying about it more.

1.     Must have a great sense of humour.

2.     Must laugh at my jokes.

3.     Must think I’m at my cutest when I look my worst (or at least tell me that)

4.     Must be supportive of my goals and pursuit of career (but also able to tell me when I’m taking on too much or dreaming to the point its affecting reality).

5.     Can handle me at my crazy moments and still love me despite it all.

6.     Wants to have a relationship built with God

7.     Be willing to pray and study the Bible together.

8.     Be willing to watch chick-flicks/rom coms with me.

Secondly. I realized something last night as I was rocking out by myself. I don't want to be the kind of girl who gets lost in a relationship. I tried that already, and it left me often feeling like something was missing in my life. I need you to be the kind of person who not only likes me as I am, but who likes me for being me. I need you to be the kind of person who's not embarrassed by my liking going to movies by myself when no-one can go with me, or geeking out hardcore over the latest comic book movie. I need someone who can admire the fact that I can stand at a concert by myself and dance like no-one's watching because having people around shouldn't influence my capability to have fun.

But I also hope you're someone who can do those things with me. Someone who wants to do those things with me.

I want to be able to be spontaneous with you. To go on random adventures, to be able to act like idiots because we don't care who's watching.

I know you're probably all these things. That you love me because I am me and that we mesh well together. I guess right now I'm just frustrated because it seems like no matter how much a guy likes who I am, I always have to let go of who I am when I am with them. And I don't want that.

But truth is, I know I don't really have to worry about you. Because God knows both our needs, and He's not going to stick either one of us with someone who would make us compromise who we are.

I just wish He wasn't taking His sweet time in bringing you to me.

Love you a million red m&m's,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

(50 bonus points my dear, if you actually know where some of my sign-offs are referenced from ;) )

The List.

Husband,

I've finally sat down and done it. I've written 'The List'. I'm putting it here to help keep myself accountable, but also because it will be interesting to see how well you match up to the list. Don't worry if you don't... if there are things that differ, it just means my tastes changed ;)

Love you!

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

THE LIST

1.     Must be a Christian. Cannot afford to compromise this again as it makes things too difficult.

2.     Will like being involved with each other’s friends.

3.     Family is important, especially in being involved with each other’s.

4.     Outgoing. Likes to just go out and do random things.

5.     Outdoorsy. Likes to camp, hike, just hang out at the lake.

6.     Loves music. Preferably a variety of music, but as long as it’s not solely country, hip hop, rap or R&B I’m content.

7.     Willing to change his facebook status. It’s silly, I know, but indulge me a little. It’s not like I’m high-maintenance.

8.     Geeky. At least a little geeky. I don’t know what I’d do if I was with a guy who couldn’t geek out.

9.     Taller than me. I’m short enough as it is, I couldn’t handle someone shorter.

10.  Is adventurous. And random.

11.  Can be completely silly or totally serious.

12.  Has his own car/license.

13.  Able to support himself.

14.  Has goals for the future.

15.  Likes to sing, even if he can’t sing well.

16.  Is good with finances (since I’m TERRIBLE at them).

17.  Is a good communicator. A good relationship requires a lot of communication.

18.  In tune with his emotions.

19.  Somewhat sensitive, but not overly so.

20.  Doesn’t smoke.

21.  Doesn’t smoke weed or other drugs.

22.  Not a heavy drinker.

23.  Loves me endlessly!

We like the same things and I like your style Its not a secret; why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf

Husband,

Do you ever wonder where I am at this very moment? Do you ever get frustrated that I am not there or that you have to wait longer?

I get that way sometimes. Especially when all my friends are getting married around me, and I don't even have you in the frame somewhere.

I know it's kind of mean to say, but I kind of hope you do feel the same way sometimes, so that you can understand what it is I'm going through... so that I'm not going through it alone.

I still need to write that list. I've been procrastinating because it's a tedious task, and because it means letting go of it and trusting God to meet it once it's written.

Sometimes I still need to fight that nagging feeling that you aren't out there at all, or that I'm not good enough for the kind of man I want. I know it's not true, but it is still hard to remember that sometimes.

Maybe getting that list written out will help.

I wonder if you ever wrote out a list for the things I needed to be?

Love you always.
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

I'm sticking with you, cause I'm made out of glue...

Love of my life,

I've been doing a lot of emotional dumping on you lately. Pouring out my turmoil and pain about a man that isn't even you... and even prior to that, talking again about a man who was in my life that wasn't you.

So I want to pause for a moment in my journey, and remind you how much I love you. I haven't even met you yet, but I know I love you far beyond a capacity of which I have ever experienced before.

I know you make me smile a smile that no-one else has ever been able to make me do, and laugh harder than anyone has ever laughed.

I know there's cute and silly little romantic things you do for me that make me feel like the most special woman in the world (and since I somehow landed you, I would say that is true).

I hope you know that you inspire me. You help me to find the words that I could not find, and you fill me with a courage to press on with only hope at my side.

You are far more handsome than any other man I've met, and my heart skips a beat whenever I see you. Even when I'm mad at you, I think the world of you.

You are wonderful.

You are my Mr. Darcy, even if you may not be quite as witty as him ;)

I love you always, forever and to infinity and beyond.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife