Part 2 - It was kind of like kindergarten all over again.

Before I get into the post, just wanted to let you all know that I am SO SORRY for starting this journey, only to stop right afterwards. Life got pretty crazy after that first post, and it hasn't really slowed down yet. But hey, no better time than the present to get back on track right?


If you're just joining us, you may want to check out Part 1 before reading!

I stood in the parking lot, waiting for Roomie to come and get me. There were plenty of guys wandering around the mall, most of which had cell phones out, so it was difficult to pinpoint which one was him.

"Awesome, where are you?" he texted me.

"Centre of the lot... blue toyota Matrix... I'm standing beside the car."

I still couldn't figure out which guy was him, but I stood on my toes peering around. Apparently, I looked lost, because I had a strange man pull aside and tell me I looked lost and that he would be more than happy to escort me somewhere. I shakily told him I was fine, then jumped back in my car and locked the doors until he was gone.

When I got back out, I could see a dark-haired guy wandering around like he was looking for someone. It was hard to tell if it was him or not because of how far away he was, so I sent him another text.

"If you're the guy in the blue shirt, wandering around, you're headed straight for me."

He looked up and saw me, and picked up the pace. The closer he got, the more my heart started racing. He was WAY more handsome in person than his Facebook pictures. Dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, taller than me, slender, and a deep, penetrating gaze.

"Hey, I'm Scott." he held out his hand.

"KJHsfjhsdfsdf..." Verbal diarreah, mixed with a massive stutter was all that came out of my mouth. I couldn't believe it. I had to stop and take a deep breath, before I could speak again. Finally, I managed to tell him my name.

We got into my car, and he gave me directions to their apartment, then took me inside and introduced me to everyone. I was surprised how relaxed I felt already, except for around Scott. He was very attractive, very nice, and my palms were super sweaty. I really didn't know what to say to him, so when he suggested we play some video games, I let out a big sigh of relief.

They turned on the Wii and informed me we would be playing Smash Brothers, which is one of the few video games I suck royally at. I thusly informed them of it, and Scott took to trying to give me pointers on how to play. The two of us started chatting about random things; video games, faith, school, all the while the others kind of worried more about the video game.

Eventually, after they had destroyed me several times, they announced they were going to teach me a card game called Munchkin. They said the object of the game was to get your character to Level 10 first, and that it was a game of backstabbing and alliances. As much as I had wanted to flirt with Scott up to this point, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was definitely finding myself attracted and interested, but didn't know what to do. He didn't seem to be making a move, though he was talking to me lots, so I wasn't sure what to make of it. Which was why, when everyone told me how Scott hates to lose and thus never lets anyone else win, I decided it was time to go back to the rules made in Kindergarten. If you like a boy, beat him. 

The game was pretty simple once explained to me. However, I am a very, very good actor. Since Scott was sitting next to me, he took to helping me through the game when I was confused. Now, knowing the way Scott operated in games already thanks to his friends, I knew the only way to beat him was to completely blindside him. So I kept playing the 'I'm so confused, I don't understand this, please help me, I'm the new girl' routine, and, like always when I use that tactic, he played right into my hands. Meanwhile, I was saving up all the super-powerful monster and magic cards I was picking up, waiting for the right moment. Just when Scott was about to defeat the final monster necessary to win the game (I would be the next one to win if he didn't), I dropped everything I had on him. He pulled out a card that would have rendered my attack useless, so I convinced everyone else to attack him too -- and one person happened to have a card that rendered his card useless. Thus, he couldn't win the battle and died, and I won.

He didn't get sulky like the claimed he would, but instead, amidst his embarrassment at being beaten by a newbie, seemed quite impressed. The rest of the night we spent talking, even after "Jedi" and his fiancee arrived. It was nearly 4am before I left the apartment, and I couldn't really read whether or not Scott had been interested or not. I was informed he didn't normally talk to people as much as he had talked to me, but I knew from past situations that may not have meant anything.

Still, I found myself wanting desperately to spend more time to him, and as I drifted off to sleep finally, I couldn't help but start wondering what would happen if he was thinking the same thing.

Part 1 - A strange beginning...

It started with Twitter. Quite possibly the most unlikely place I would have ever suspected my journey to start. I could try and hide that, and say it started because of friendship, but that would only be half the truth. Without Twitter, that friendship never would have come to be.

I once told a friend that though I had decided not to go the route of dating sites anymore, I had a feeling in my gut that the man I was meant to marry would somehow be met through the internet. I was positive of it.

Way back last May, very shortly after my birthday, I logged on to Twitter to find a new follower. Like any normal twit-person, I immediately went off to stalk his profile. His username stated he was a Jedi, his description pointed out he was a geek, and his picture indicated he was a Christian (Bible verses, etc). Immediately impressed by this information, I followed him back and sent him a tweet.

Within a day of tweeting back and forth, we discovered that not only did we have a LOT in common, but that he actually lived only an hour away from me, in a town I was quite familiar with. We quickly became friends, texting and tweeting. He did have a fiancee, and for once, I put my brains in order and thought about how this might look to her. A strange girl, met online, who lives nearby and has a crapload in common with the man she is marrying. If I were in her shoes, I would be panicking. I would be terrified, and I would be worried that this girl intended to steal my man. While "Jedi" and I got along well, there was no attraction there. It was purely friendship. And, even if there was more, I am not in the business of stealing the heart of a man who belongs to someone else. So I did the only thing I could think of to give her reassurance -- I followed her on twitter and started tweeting with her. That simple gesture must of eased her mind, because we fast became friends as well. 

Over the next couple of months, the three of us tweeted, texted and Facebook chatted a lot, and they kept asking when I would come to see them.

When July hit, I made a decision that I was going to start dating again. I had been over the last relationship for a while, and decided that the thing to keep my confidence going was to get a date. I had no intention of finding a relationship, but I set a goal that by the end of the summer, I was going to go on at least one date. Problem was, I didn't really know any guys, and I didn't know how to meet some. I live in a fairly small town, and there were not a lot of options around, especially concerning Christian men around my age. 

In the midst of a flurry of twitter conversations with Jedi, the fiancee and one of their friends, we were discussing the possibility of me going down that night to visit when I joked at Jedi that he seemed to know a lot of men, so he should set me up on a date with one them. We joked around about that for a bit, before he suggested setting me up with his roommate. Curious, I asked some questions. How old was he? Was he a Christian? Was he a nerd? Jedi replied that he was 26, a Christian, had just finished Bible College, and was definitely a nerd.

After showing me a Facebook picture, I was sold. Jedi told me the roomie seemed interested, so I said he should add me to Facebook. 

I wanted to go down to see them that night, but Jedi and the fiancee were working until 11pm and 9pm respectively, so I would be spending the time mainly with roomie, a couple other roommates, and a friend I had only tweeted with, which is quite nervewracking for a girl with extreme social anxiety.

So when the roommate added me to Facebook, after talking for a few minutes, and him saying I should come down, I was sold. I tweeted them that I would be there, and lots of Twit-squealing ensued.

I rushed home from work, told my parents I was headed to Kitchener for the night, and took off. 

The journey there, my mind was spinning, This all was so unlike me. I rarely ever rushed off to see friends I actually KNEW in person thanks to my social anxiety, let alone people I hadn't actually met yet. Especially when the person I would be spending the next several hours with was someone I had barely talked to for five minutes. Not to mention the whole fact that this was a super-spontaneous trip that had literally been planned just before leaving work. I'm all for spontaneity, but I had never been one to actually do something THAT spontaneous.

I'd be lying if I said that I never thought about turning back. In fact, I almost turned back three or four times, the social anxiety threatening to overtake me. But, my determination that summer had been to overcome this issue, so I stuck to it.

I pulled into the mall parking lot near their apartment, where roomie and I decided to meet up, pulled out my phone and sent him a text.

Hey, I'm here.

I took a deep breath, and waited, nervously drumming my fingers on my car door.

The end of the beginning...

As I said when I was last in a relationship, it's hard to write letters when you are dating someone, to your future husband.

Especially when you know that your future husband is the one that you are dating.

Though I sat down and tried to post a million times, I realized that everything I was writing about, everything I was feeling, were things I should be discussing with him, not in letters to him.

We're getting ready to start the rest of our lives together. Engagement is around the corner, embarking us on a strange new journey.

So now? Now the letters will be shaped and reworked into a wedding gift for the man God has placed in my life to take on the world with me.

And now? Now this blog will be to embark on the journey of how we got here today. The letters are key. The letters helped prepare my heart for the right man. But the journey changes now. And since all of you have bore witness to the shaping of my heart through the trials and over the years, it's only fair that I allow you to witness where it all changed, and where patience led to the greatest gift God has ever given me.

I won't be upset if you decide not to continue this journey with me. But I want to share it anyways. Because really, what's a fairy-tale without the happy ending?

Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat, we'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Husband,

Yesterday, we did our first devotional together. It was strange, and it wasn't like I expected. But it was still wonderful. It was interesting, getting to have the opportunity to see how you viewed me and how you viewed the start of our relationship.

I'm terrified though. There is a part of me that is still terrified because this journey is so new, because it is unlike anything I have ever experienced. There is a part of me that still doubts that you are the one. That doubts that we really have a future. I'm not sure whether that's my bipolar or my fear talking, but I know this much: it's not from God. If there is one thing I have learned to trust it is that God does not ignite feelings of anxiety and terror. It is not his way.

I am certain there is a lesson in this for me. You see, I keep trying to get this all figured out. To plan out where this is going and how it will get there and what's going to happen once it gets there. I know deep down inside that that's not how God wants it to be; that He doesn't want us to know it all ahead of time so that the thrill of the path is gone.

I'm just not very good at the waiting bit. At the whole taking things one day at a time. But I'm learning. If for no-one else but for you, I am doing my best to learn.

I am doing my best to try and trust God. After all, that's what this is all about right? Trusting God that the path we are taking is the right one, that we will let Him guide us?

I wonder, do you have any fears like that? Do you sometimes get scared at the intensity of things and wonder if what you're feeling is real? Or am I alone in that?

Love you always,
Just A Girl,
Someday a wife

Visions are flashing into my head as i reminisce my reoccurring dreams

My prince,

It's all happening so fast, but I can't say that's a bad thing. At first, I was afraid. Afraid that if I fell, it meant that I would be too vulnerable. But I guess that's one of the things that comes with growing up, that you come to understand that love cannot function without vulnerability.

Sometimes it feels strange to talk about our future together when we've only been with each other for such a short amount of time. That strangeness, however, I would chalk up more to expectations laid by the way things should flow according to the world. The truth is, when talking about it, despite its strangeness, it just fits. It feels right, feels normal.

Sometimes it's hard not to get ahead of ourselves. Knowing that it's ours to claim, there are moments when I want it all right now. Why must we wait when we know we're right for each other? Why must we allow time when we know our futures are entwined?

Thankfully the voice of reason and truth wins out against those battles in my mind. I know that the time between exists because God has willed it so, that it is in God's timing we must trust, and not in our own.

It's hard, but then again, God never promised it would be easy waiting on the desires of our hearts.

I'm excited to start this journey with you, to start smoothing out our relationship in both the good and the bad. To work on growing not just with each other, but with each other in God. Because without Him, really, what is our relationship?

Love you always and forever,

Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love.... sha la la la la la, ahhh.

Husband,

Don't be fooled by the title. The truth is, I did say it out loud. For the first time to a man since I was 17 years old. And it was terrifying. It took me three days to muster up the strength to say it. Fear kept holding me back. Fear of it being too soon, fear of it not being returned, fear of it scaring you.

It's strange, because it's nothing like anything I've ever experienced. It's not all mushy gushy feelings and butterflies, though I can't deny that those have their moments.

I was afraid too that maybe I didn't mean it because it is fast. Can falling in love really happen that fast? But then I realized that time isn't necessarily the controlling factor in these things. Sometimes when it's right, it's just right, and it fits.

The truth is though, I figured it out three weeks in. I knew it. It took just a moment, and it was that moment when my entire being realized that I loved you. We were worshipping God together at my church, hand in hand, focused not on one another, but on God. And in that moment, everything fit. In that moment, for the first time ever, I experienced what it really means to have that relationship together with God. And I know you felt it too, because you told me you felt it even before I told you what I thought.

And so, I said it... I said it to you with all the conviction held within my heart, and you said it back. I didn't want that moment to end, but now that it has, I am so excited to see how this moves forward. Where we go from here.

You are so amazing, and I hope I still tell you every day how blessed and lucky I am to have you in my life, loving me.

Love you always and forever,
Just a Girl, Someday a Wife

If I was a flower growing wild and free all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee..

Father,

It's amazing how when we put things in Your hands instead of our own, that they work out as well as they do. To not see how You put the two of us together would mean we were not looking, because it is so evident in how everything has played out.

I can't even begin to put into words how I feel about all of this, how I feel about the man you have seen fit to bless me with.

He is everything I could have ever dreamed of and more. I am so thankful for him.

Thank you, Daddy, for bringing someone into my life who compliments me so well and fits with me so perfectly.

This is such a new chapter in my life, but I have so much faith that it will all work out.

You are so good to me.

Thank you again.

Love you always, Dad.

Just a Girl,
Someday a Wife